Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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