You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize