My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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