I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Boobs speak an international language.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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