are you so shy because you have an std?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
