remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
