did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
