We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
