God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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