I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Never underestimate the power of titties
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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