Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
