No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
