In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
