1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
