just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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