my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
The power of my boobs compel you
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
