Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
