i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
