Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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