The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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