We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
