all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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