wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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