You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize