Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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