Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
