I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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