I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
