barbara walters just said penis...
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Randomize
