I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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