you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
