I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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