So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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