We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
