Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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