At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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