It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
there was a trapeze. enough said
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
