i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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