He had one of those small greek statue penises
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
