you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
