bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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