i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
