U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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