I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
