You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
