He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
