I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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