Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
