Where did you get a picture of my penis
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
