a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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