smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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