You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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