I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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