you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
