I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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