Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
