If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
