I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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