went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Randomize
