Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
