I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
