Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
