I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
