im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize