Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
