On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize