I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
