Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
