All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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