I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize